eBay Street
Some call me a hustler. Bonafide, baby. I steal hearts and sell them for markup on eBay. I’ve got any kind of heart you need. Big, little. Strong, weak. American, Italian, German, and for an extra 10k, I’ve got the heart of an Inuit. They speak Eskimo, you know. Something like 400 different words for snow. How could I not sell a beauty like that?
I tried craigslist once. A small, weak heart. Poor thing. I got the sucker to agree to 1,000 for it. Poor thing. That girl really wanted her heart back. I haven’t used craigslist since.
But like I said, I can sell you any kind of heart you want, just so long as it isn’t your own. Hell, I’ll even throw on my Fuck-Me pumps and get you the heart of any name you list. I’ve got sad hearts, dying hearts, laughing hearts, the heart of an ox, the heart of a fox.
To the highest bidder! or “Buy-It-Now” for 5,000! No return policy. (Fine print: everything for sale is broken.)
